What Hell Feels Like

I know what hell feels like, terror to be in your own skin
It’s feeling deep lonely sadness, knowing comfort’s never coming
Heart, Soul and whole being, aching for connection
Learning no one will ever come, to give me human affection

It’s crying in vein, because no one cares
Others taking pleasure, in causing pain and scars
The people supposed to love me, we’re my biggest threat
It twisted my heart, and messed up my mindset

Where my tears comes as pleasure, comfort to my abusers
They’re supposed to love me, it made me very confused and
It’s taking the most cosmic, and spiritual parts of life,
And making them the lowest, twisted, evil parts of life
I have lived in hell, and I experienced true terror
Loneliness, emotional torture, but I chose to get better

I make a choice, I feel with each passing day
I make that choice stronger, with more and more weight
As I go on my journey, into the light
Not to succumb to terror, but to alchemize my fright

From terror to elation, from fear to love
From pain to beauty, from loneliness to whole
What was my curse, is becoming my gift
My ability to understand, myself and others grief

To know the pain in others, to know that I am moving
Towards something greater, from torment onto soothing
To know that from the ashes, of my personal hell,
Who’s fires have now stopped burning, I can rise again and swell

Like the Phoenix rising, mystical with healing energies
From hell take only wisdom, give love back to all my enemies
And know there is forever, distance in between
Where I was and where I’m going, to me heaven is still unseen

But that contrast means I am, to learn heaven on earth
And the longest journey means, the largest capacity for growth
What was once terror, pain, torment, crippling loneliness,
Out of hell I stumbled, these wounds I now address

Now my legs grow strong, I look forward, forward pacing,
Road back to heaven, this journey I’m embracing

I’m coming home, I’m coming home
To a place I know, I’ll be welcome

All the feelings I want, are waiting for me
Love, peace, connection, a place where I can be
Fullness in my heart, love and love, warmth
Acceptance, wholeness, my compass back to north

An integrated person, connection with other people
Where once I was looked down upon, I will be looked to as an equal
Who holds powers of elevation, I will do everything every day
To take me further on my journey, this place I’ll want to stay

Where I know I belong, my journey’s been so alone,
But it doesn’t have to be that way, I’m inviting my sisters
Now that my path is bright, enough for others to join
A place where there is no longer, torture and limitless pain

I am traveling my friends, and I am traveling up
Please join me, this path together, and fill each other’s cup
Let’s find our paths to heaven together, let’s make the road wide
So we can get there faster, hold hands while we glide

We can help one another, on our perspective callings
And if we already pave it, we help others who are crawling
Can learn to skip carefree, the rest of the way
Pull our darkness into light, each and every day

Turning inwards, trusting in myself, connecting with my higher self
Is what saves me, is what still saves me
Self abandon to self acceptance, love and constantly sitting with myself
Through the pain and anguish, that is the way out of hell

Once out of reach, I now embrace myself
I need never forget, what hell feels like

As I look forward to knowing heaven, I rescued my own soul
From the flames this was what I was always supposed to do, to shine a light
Bright enough for others, to know my way back
Into that hell, and illuminate the darkness
And when I’m done Shining my light, my soul will finally rest

Even in hell, I still held onto my light
What others scorned me for, kept me alive through the night

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